As gamers we love to collect items in our games. From hidden packages in Grand Theft Auto, to every star in Super Mario, we have an impulse to gather. It makes sense then that at one of the biggest videogame events of the year, E3, there’s plenty of opportunity for item collection from the various booths. Except some people collect in the search for future profit on Ebay, as seen with the following ridiculously priced items…

Item 1: Batman Arkham City shirt, Buy It Now price: $99.99

Be the envy of all your gamer friends with a Batman tee! The seller states “these shirts were given to select VIP attendee’s. They are extremely limited and won’t be found anywhere else!” It is also a 50% cotton 50% polyester blend. HolyloungewearBatman! I’ll take two! Converted, the price works out at £62.02, or roughly £20 more than what the actual game will cost when it is released later this year.

What you could buy instead:

Have a Batman viewing weekend with all these from Best Buy: The Dark Knight Special Edition, The Brave and the Bold Season Two, Superman/Batman Apocalypse Blu Ray and Under the Red Hood Exclusive Edition = $99 combined.

Item 2: Zelda: Skyward Sword Lanyard and pins, Buy It Now price $199.95

What better way to show off your overpriced Pokemon AR card than on your very own Zelda themed lanyard! Not only a lanyard but 6 pin badges to go with it. “These were being snatched like crazy!!!” the over-enthusiastic seller exclaims. Given that the Mario Kart badge alone is selling for around $40, you could say this is a bargain. Or not.

What you could buy instead:

An actual Nintendo Wii console bundle and the Skyward Sword game = $199 combined.

Item 3: Call of Duty Elite tee and baseball cap, Buy It Now price $69.99

Get fleeced for merchandise of a service that will fleece gamers, how apropos. Wow the E in ‘Elite’ is backwards too, that’s both edgy and purchase-worthy. The buyer “had to wait in almost 2 to 2hr lines just to get this set!!” (what is it with these multiple exclamation points and terrible grammar?) which means that this set is costing roughly $17.49 an hour. That’s the starting salary of a Bay City Police Officer.

What you could buy instead:

A military surplus G.I intermediate cold weather sleeping bag, because camping out for the midnight launch of Modern Warfare 3 in November will be chilly = $69.95.

Item 4: Dragons’s Nest Hound Plush, Buy It Now price $249.99

I had to Google Dragon’s Nest to find out what it even was (it’s an Asian MMO which is coming to the US if you really wanna know). Such is the rarity of this strange looking toothy tadpole creature that it was only available at E3 through a raffle at the Nexon booth, no 2×2 hour queues here. In truth, it looks horrendous and will scare children, give me a Dragon Quest Slime plushie over this any day.

What you could buy instead: 

4,200 Dragon’s Nest gold to buy stuff you will never tangibly own = $250 approx.

Item 5: Saints Row the Third 35′ Banner, bidding starts $1,999.99

Ok this is the ‘coupe de grace’. Lanyards, badges and tee shirts are all nice mementos of E3, but only the ballsiest idiots fans lay out upwards of $2k for a Third Street Saints decoration on the side of their house. The thing is so big that “pictured are two of the three sections. Can be cut to three different sections if needed!!!!” (again with the exclamation points). Oh well that’s good, I could probably wallpaper my living room with this. Sadly the buyer doesn’t accept refunds, so if the Saints’ purple doesn’t match your decor when it arrives, you’re fucked.

What you could buy instead:  

Hire Skywriting Aerial Advertising to write “Fuck Duke Nukem” above Randy Pitchford’s house = $1000-$3,000. Or get two Scarface “The World is Yours” statues for either side of the entrance to your gang hideout = $699 each.